1. This happened in Salt Lake City? What kind of people live in Utah?
I'm starting to get a whole new image of the Osmond family.
2. What kind of hospital would hold a press conference about this?
3. People named "Kiki" which is obviously a Polynesian
word for "Idiotic white men who insert rodents up butts."
4. "First and second degree burns to the anus." Wouldn't
this make the burning itch and discomfort of hemorrhoids a welcome
relief? How does one ever take a healthy dump after something like
this? And the smell of burning anus must be in the top five most horrible
scents on the face of God's green earth.
5. People who do this kind of thing and then admit what they where
doing when taken to the emergency room. Sorry, but I think I would
made have made up a story about a gang of raving pyromaniac, anal
sex fiends breaking into my house and sodomising me with a charcoal
lighter before I admitted the truth. Call me old fashioned, but I
just can't imagine looking at a doctor and saying "Well doc,
it's like this, see, we have this gerbil named Raggot and we took
this cardboard tube ..."???
6. People walking around with these volcano-like pockets of gas in
7. Suffering a broken nose from a gerbil being launched out of someone's
anus. I'm just guessing here, but I seriously doubt the said gerbil
was springtime fresh after his little journey into Kiki's "tunnel
8. That poor gerbil being shot out of that guy's ass like Rocky the
Flying Squirrel on Rocky and Bullwinkle.
9. "...so I peered into the tube ..." Aaaaaahhhh! I'm sorry,
but that's like looking through a telescope into hell. I'd rather
use binoculars to stare at the sun.
10. "I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum ...." Hello!!????